i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
