Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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