were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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