Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
