took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
