When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
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Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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