I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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