i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
