if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
