so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
