That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
