Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
how does that bad decision feel?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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