i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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