Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
