the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
