then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
