I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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