Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
