i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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