You can't motorboat a personality
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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