hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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