just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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