ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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