My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
