Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
