did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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