90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
