I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
