So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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