I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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