she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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