Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
