Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
