honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
