Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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