Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
