guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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