Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
