happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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