how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
