honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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