Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
