bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
