Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
