i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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