OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
