Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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