and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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