There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
