Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
