Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
