I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize