Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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