if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize