Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
