Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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