JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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