Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
