I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
