I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
