Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
