Whod you bang
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
