Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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