grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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