What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
