State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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